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JoiningaTeam

Suppose you're a member of a team that management has decided could use a little help. Maybe an "extra pair of hands", a guru or a "mentor".

What can the new team member do to ease the transition of joining your team? DonGray 2007.1.23

EstherDerby 2007.01.23

So they don't act like a guru. What DO they do? DonGray 2007.1.23

> Get to know the teammembers.

How? What do I do?

> Earn their trust.

How can trust be earned? Building trust generally takes time. Any way to shorten the amount of time? DonGray 2007.1.24

Ask about the problems they see.

EstherDerby 2007.1.24

I would introduce myself to each person individually.

Depending on how the introductions felt, I might: 1) share with them my objectives, for instance, "Jane asked me to..." 2) Ask for a favor, "I'm new and I need help. What is the history around these objectives?" 3) Ask, "Who in the group is it important for me to work with to accomplish the objectives Jane wants?" 4) Comment, "I'm not sure what else to ask." Ask, "What questions should I be asking you?" Pause.

SteveSmith 2007.01.24

Get to know the teammembers. How? What do I do?

Talk to them. Find things in common with them. Take genuine interest in them. Ask them questions, and (as Steve reminds me) pause. Listen to the answers.

Earn their trust. How can trust be earned? Building trust generally takes time. Any way to shorten the amount of time?

Trust starts small. People tend to trust friendly people who take an interest in them and what they do. A genuine interest--fakes are generally easy to spot.

Trust builds as you work together. Working more together, as opposed to merely on the same project, will speed up the process. The more common experience you share, the faster you can build trust.

It's important to demonstrate what you can do, but without discounting what the other can do, and keeping mindful of the needs of the situation. In other words, maintaining congruence--self, other, and context.

What else? I've been recommending NaomiKarten's Communication Gaps and How to Close Them a lot, lately. What I've really wanted to recommend is http://www.ayeconference.com/2006Schedule.html#S20

- GeorgeDinwiddie 2007.01.24

Arrange to fire everyone on the team except me. They're obviously losers. If only they listened to my suggestions, we wouldn't have needed help inflicted on us. I'd be glad to see them go.

Then the transition would be very easy, since I'm such a great team member. Loyal, honest, hard-working.

--DaveLiebreich 2006-01-24

You left out humble and supportive.

>I can see this is supposed to be an essay question, rather than fill-in-the-blank. ;-)

That's one way of looking at it. Here's my thinking so far.

Esther suggested resisting acting like a guru. I semantically (and possibly incorrectly) translated this to "don't act like a guru." Two quick thoughts about this are; when you tell someone to not think about a velvet painting of Elvis, they usually think of a velvet painting of Elvis. Second, to me it's negative motion, AWAY from something. This is less powerful that movement TOWARD something, so I asked her for what to do. Third, it doesn't say what to do.

Your suggestions about getting to know the team members and earn their trust I find spot on, but at a very high logical level. I'm looking for "What have you seen, heard, or experienced [again a different logical level than the primary intake channels of seeing, hearing, or feeling] that makes you think we can trust George?"

I'm trying to look at this from the team member's view point. Steve switched the view point to his, and shared what has worked from him. I'd be interested in hearing from him what someone else did when they joined a team Steve was part of that kept Steve from flipping the bozo bit.

Dave certainly nailed both the viewpoint and "what to do?". I like the multiple layers. Probably wouldn't work for me, but it might for others.

A suggestion from Fearless Change is to "Do Food". Other suggestions from others? DonGray 2007.01.25

Perhaps the most important thing people did to become my teammate was to be unconcerned about the "bozo bit." No one can control whether I flip it. I have flipped it on at times and, after more exposure, flipped it off. I haven't flipped it on but later decided to flip it on.

I like people who tell it to me straight and put themselves out there for me to see. They say things like, "If we did x, we would get result y, which is a step up from where we are at today." rather than "When I was with XYZ, we did x." They don't say things like, "I don't disagree, but...". They says things like "I disagree. My experience is..."

People I like as teammates have the following attributes: They smile. They laugh. They play. They moan. They cry. They listen. They think. They look me in the eye. They speak their truth. They're human.

SteveSmith 2007.01.25

I think of the experience I had at a startup where the development team gelled pretty well--not through any sort of leadership, but because we went to lunch together frequently and shared the rumors we'd heard. At another company, I started the same day as five H1B contractors from India. We were all put in the same room to work. They had all moved from other areas and were sharing lodging. They took turns fixing the lunch for all of them, and, since I was in the same room, offered me lunch, too. The fact that I shared their food and enjoyed it created a powerful bond.

While food is universal, there are other non-work interests that can be shared: music, sports, kids. Look for the clues and ask about them. Allow your interests to be visible, too, so that people can notice. I've been surprised at how many people will talk to me about their sailing experiences.

Asking work-related questions also works, in some cases. I think it can bring out the inner geek to ask someone about the way the system is put together. It probably helps to be able to grasp it quickly and follow with knowledgeable questions. I've found that asking about areas people don't expect you to understand is especially good at opening doors. If you ask a hardware engineer about the detail of the hardware design, they're amazed that a software weenie understands anything of what they do.

Steve, I'm wondering what it is about "When I was with XYZ, we did x," and, "I don't disagree, but..." that pushes your hot button. To me, both of these sound like normal, if not elegant, ways of entering into a discussion. In both cases, I would want to hear what followed. Why are these expressions so negative to you?

- GeorgeDinwiddie 2007.01.25

Something very much like a SatirSystems TemperatureReading works for me, both as the inflictee and as the infliction (affliction?)

Don't call it that. You'll weird people out. Do it with a kind of mixed delivery, group and individual. Then ask for help. Then do what you need to do, without seeking permission for stuff for which no permission is needed. Manage your own head-space throughout.

Here's an example from a specific engagement.

• Boss-guy: " . . . and so, this meeting is to announce that Jim is sliding over to UberMensch as of today. Allow me to emphasize how much of a hurry we are in, how behind the eight ball we are, and once again imply strongly to imply that most of this is your fault. Anything to add, Jim?"
• Do something to cover resetting my brain. Index cards for taking notes are good for this. Fiddle with them. Drop them if need be. Do not say: "Thanks for all the lead time, Oh Decisive-One. How about you clue me before you schedule the meeting and maybe even let me tell you what to say - er - I mean help craft the message." Happy place. Happy place. Breathe. (This is the "center" part of "center, enter, turn" from Aikido.)
  • Also, make a mental note to - um - coach Boss-guy about working with me on what we are going to say.
• "Hi guys." Now the TemperatureReading part.
  • How did I come to be here? "As you know, I've been working as UnderMensch for three eons and a day. Based on that work and the need to blah, blah, blah. . . so, here we are."
  • What would I like to have happen here? "We have a real opportunity here to Crush Our Enemies, See Them Driven Before Us, and Hear The Lamentations of Their Women." (No, no. Stop channeling Conan the Barbarian.) Um, ". . . we have a lot of work to do, which is a typical management BS phrase. (Actually say this, if that's what you are feeling. I did.) What I've see is a lot of skill, energy and willingness to work hard. I think clearing the underbrush a bit we can get more done, faster and certainly with less drama. We can build this into a shop that does reliable delivery of a robust product. The market is there. Let's go get it. I'd like to help that to happen."
  • How do I feel about that? "This is a cake walk. A little flash and flogging the galley slaves - meaning you - harder and the rest of us will be surrounded by hot and cold running supermodels and knee deep in whatever recreational drug all the cool kids are doing these days. Woo-hoo!" (OK, not that either. Focus.) Um, " . . . I'm a bit anxious, actually, because the market for this thing is real as it often is not for an innovative product. This team also has a lot to offer. I have also been doing a different job to date. So, while I think I can help or I wouldn't take the gig, if it doesn't work that'll be at least partly on me. That said, playing for real stakes where your own contribution matters is really the only kind of game worth the bother. So, I'm glad to be here. Still, anxious though."
• Now close with what to expect, and thank you. "Any questions so far?" Pause. "OK. I'll be wandering around to talk with each of you soon, mostly starting with asking questions. So, you'll get lots of chances to ask me, or tell me whatever you'd like to. Meanwhile, thank you for listening.
• OK, out of the meeting that was started just wrong. Whew.
  • Pat yourself on the back for a nice save.
• Go have that same conversation with each person individually.
  • Refer to what you said. Came to be here . . . Like to have happen . . . Feel about that . . .
  • Ask each the same temperature reading questions, open-ended like: "Where are you about this right now?" They'll likely respond in the same structure you used, especially technical types. If not, ask a question on each point in the temperature reading. HAVE A CONVERSATION, don't go meta, either: "Now we're doing a temperature reading." or even using exactly the standard three questions. "How did you come to be here?" That question is finely crafted and exactly what needs to be asked, but who talks like that, really, outside of a workshop of being all human and stuff? Don't weird them out unnecessarily. Go in easy: "What are you up to?" . . . "Really? How'd that get started?" . . . "So, you've done stuff like this before . . . " and now you're talking about "How did you come to be here?" without making them think you are playing therapist.
  • Ask for help. I started with: "So, what do I need to know right away?" Then: "I need to go digest all that for a bit, but it is good information. I have a <something good> already, so thanks for the start.
• Ask again in different ways. Since I was UberMensch, I sent out an email.
  • "Hi guys. To reiterate what I said: <reiterate> To help me with that, could you please send me an email:
  • "Attach a vita or resume, or just a list of what you've done. I'll get to chat with each of you one at a time. In the meanwhile, I'll absorb things faster if I see stuff several ways. It'll also let you tell me about things you can do that you might not be doing now. I might not remember to ask you about that when we talk so this will help make sure that is covered.
  • "Tell me, what are the three biggest things we need to get solved around here, to build what we need to build, Crush our Enemies . . . " (OK, no. Stop at ". . . build what we need to build.")
  • "What are the top three impediments in the way of you getting done what you need to get done? Stuff I might be able to do something about. "The Eagles can't seem to win a playoff game." isn't really in my control, for example."
  • "What are the top three things you could be doing to help this along?
  • I will read what you send me right away. I may not get back to each of you right away, other than to say I got it. There's a lot going on and I have a lot to get up to speed on in a hurry. Thanks for the help." Very important. Set expectations.
• Then comes the not seeking permission part. However your role is defined that scopes what you can do unilaterally vs. needing permissions of various kinds. If it's unclear what you can just do vs. need to get permission that's actually thing 0 to get straight right now(s).

Kind of like that. One trick as a policy / rule vs. example - usually it's better to explain why you want something or are asking something, and what will happen next. In a culture, people familiar with each other know those two things implicitly. You, they don't know so say it in words. That's a bit delicate if asking is taken as seeking permission, but that's why you need to be clear on what's yours autonomously to decide, and what isn't. If you are clear on this, then someone taking your seeking information as asking for permission becomes a chance to provide them some information:

• "Well, I'm looking to get a handle on this before I decide what to do. Do I understand what you are saying correctly that you are concerned about: <paraphrase>? Good. Thanks for telling me that, I appreciate the information."

Last two points are about self-management. It isn't personal. Whatever "they" do, it's just data. Perturb a system and it gets, well, perturbed. Could and will do any unpredictable thing. So, it's not personal, it's only data. Meanwhile, nobody else will give you atta-boy's, so notice when you do something well enough and give yourself a "Good job."

You can also borrow structure from WithWhomAmIHavingThePleasure among the Satir techniques for other conversations, but that's another digression.

Specific enough, in general?

- JimBullock ("I'm happy to be here." No, really.) 2007.01.25

When I was with XYZ, we did x.

I believe that x is only relevant if the context is clear. Saying x was used at XYZ and leaving out why it was used provides me zero information.

My experience with a few people is that they assume whatever XYZ does is the right way and, often, the only way to do something.

Oh, that reminds me. Please add, "...is a best practice." to my list of annoying phrases.

Please, I want to be clear that the mere utterance of one of these phrases may mean nothing. I would probe to see what's at the foundation of the person before deciding whether to flip the bozo bit.

I don't disagree, but...

Please see: http://www.ayeconference.com/blog/2006/02/i-dont-disagree.html

SteveSmith 2007.01.27

This is getting off-topic for this page, so I'm going to move this over to HotButtonPhrases. -- GeorgeDinwiddie 2007.01.28

I was flipping through my Fearless Change 3x5 cards this morning and noticed the "Ask for Help" pattern. The pattern doesn't mention trust building, but I agree with Johanna that it will. If you're interested, you can fine all 48 patterns here PatternSummaries3x5Expanded.doc formatted to print on Avery 5388 3x5 card stock.

Tying together some George and Jim thoughts, Naomi Karten offers suggested questions in Chapter 8 (The Cared and Feeding of Relationships) of Communications Gaps so you don't "weird people out." DonGray 2007.01.29

Don, I was going to buy some of those cards recently, until I found out they cost $0.50/card. Instead, I came home and found that Gail's inkjet printer will print on standard 3x5 cards (1/3 cent each). I like your idea of carrying review notes like that. -- GeorgeDinwiddie 2007.01.29

I checked, and it seems I paid a little over 13 cents a card. Certainly more than 1/3 cent, but not quite the 50 cents in your experience.

I normally hand write the 3x5 cards, hoping that going in the eyes and out the hand will pass the information through the brain and help it stick. Linda (came in 2003 & 2004) and Mary had the start already in Word format, so I stuck with it. DonGray 2007.1.30

There are lots of tools and reminders of tools out there. Almost a cottage industry making such stuff. As one more resource, PeterBlock is mostly talking about entering conversations in his book FlawlessConsulting. The formulas are better when taken as reminders vs. prescriptions.

I had (?survived?) an "interpersonal managing skills" workshop years ago that actually issued reminder cards for our wallets. Most of the scenarios in that class were supervisor to underling. The remainder were peer to peer. Apparently having a script on a card capturing The Right Way to get what you want from a peon is a big deal. There wasn't anything about how to talk with your boss to get something you want. For the next couple months a gaggle of would-be managers didn't make eye contact during a conversation with an underling. They were busy reading their little cards.

• The Good - have some reminders and jiggles.
• The Bad - be so wrapped up in the script you forget everything else.
• The Ugly - stiff, stilted recitation of The Magic Words, followed by looking expectantly at your victim for The Correct Response. If they say The Wrong Thing you stand there looking confused, plow on with the script or tell them what to say.

I did point out the lack of talking up in the examples along with observing: "I actually have more challenges getting heard by my boss. I could use some help with that." The net offer was: "When we want you to speak in an upward direction, we'll tell you what to say." and "Why would you want to tell your boss anything? He's right, knows all and your job is just to Get It, because he's the boss." Then they added: "If you aren't getting it s/he will tell you. They have a script now. On a card. So if you don't Get It after that, it must be you."

So, that conversations was useless to me but all properly structured per the script, of course. Lucky for me I was practicing being satisfied through lowered expectations. Sadly, mostly for them, they got the results they deserved and from many more people than just me.

Conversation crib-sheets help, but they aren't the whole story.

• Be here now. You have to show up. Conversational patterns can be an aid or an impediment to making contact.
• Adjust. The point is to have a conversation not to follow the script on the card. With the really good structures, if the conversation insists on going somewhere else that itself is interesting. Something's up.
• Build your own model.

All of the cheat-sheets came from paying attention to conversations that work. It is far better to treat them as seeds to build the conversational tango that works for you, there and then.

But, that's just me. Making it up as I go along.

- JimBullock 2006.01.29 (YMMV)

I started making notes on 3x5 cards. It's a habit I picked up learning the EMT-I formulary. I have 3 different stacks so far. When I have spare time (waiting for a plane, whatever) I can flip through a stack and review the material. DonGray 2007.1.29 (Of course, MMV)

The "rites of passage" stuff seems like its own thing to me, so I moved it to RitesOfPassage.

- JimBullock 2007.02.05

Do you remember what you did?

- JimBullock 2007.02.05

Thinking and remembering. Back later. DonGray 2007.02.09

Well, while Don is busy remembering, I'll share something I learned from a sometimes wise man:

"Do less. Be more."

Right being is a big deal. Anyone who's tried to teach a subtle performance art knows that "students" will copy what you do wrong way better than they copy what you do right. Even exaggerating for effect, they'll copy the exaggeration not the effect. Add that in the end all arts are performance arts, and subtle, and right being becomes the ticket to get on the ride at all.

I heard "Do less. Be more." from DonGray, actually. It is a big part of how he, and I FWIW, did whatever good we did at a piece of history we share. Be in a way that's good and useful, and "they" may copy from that.

-- JimBullock 2007.02.09

• I took the horribly mangled confusing progress radiator and created a simple burn up chart.
• I made simple obvious decisions. Had to ask for forgiveness once. I gave the sales channel a unit without "going through the proper channels" so they could demonstrate it at a sales conference. Do what?
• I treated the people like a team. We actually started doing some cross-training so progress AND supporting the existing product could happen at the same time.
• We did food. I noticed the software only types were finding occasions to bring in pizza, but the hardware team didn't. So we started doing pizza when we had significant events.
• I had fun. I coated Jim's door dry erase film so we could write on the door. Someone from the software team helped me. (See ChrisHofstaedter for a picture.)
• I had the chance to demonstrate family/work priority. I got a phone call one morning from a team member whose wife just had a medical emergency, and he was going to be in as soon as he got her home. I told him not to bother coming in, and to check in the next day before he came in. Seems he spent the rest of the week taking care of something more important than twiddling bits.

I spent three months on the project, and did other things. These are what stand out in my memory. DonGray 2007.02.10

You had a gift for knowing when to ask for a decision, which decisions needed asking, and providing the context when you did ask. "Staff work" I think they call it. At any rate, I've seen this skill highly developed in many folks with a military background. I've copied what I can of this skill myself.

In general, the folks around there should have been asking for forgiveness about 50 times a day, each, for doing stuff on their own authority that they shouldn't and another 50 times a day, each, for declining to make a decision that's theirs to make - part of what they're paid for. It's a consequence of a long-standing blaming culture, actually. The game is to never make a decision that you can get tagged for, so those get passed around. Meanwhile being the person who gets to evaluate what was done puts you in the power position. So, everybody had an opinion about what someone else should have done, and nobody had an opinion about what they, themselves should do. Perhaps more subtle than making "simple, obvious decisions" was calibrating what you could and should decide on your own authority and what ought to be asked. I tried to always give a decision when one was needed.

Don't know if you noticed how systematically I declined to respond to folks attempting to set a standard for someone else's work, and insisted on hearing from each person what they did and were committing to do. The confusion on the information obfuscator (AKA horribly mangled confusing progress radiator) was another symptom of this same problem. The confusion gives us stuff to talk about without the danger of being tagged with any actual doing stuff.

I too sent some folks home when they had bigger priorities there. Took some heat for it, too, as well as some heat for what you did along those lines. More "pressure" I suppose. That particular issue was in my "non-negotiable" pile. "You can have all the opinion you want about this, boss. This is what I'm doing. If that's a deal breaker for you, we need to have a different conversation - the 'organize a graceful exit for me' conversation." Only took a couple of rounds for boss-guy to get it that this wasn't going to come out any different. " . . . because you are wrong in thinking that doing it your way will do any good." came up. In private, of course.

He wasn't a bad guy, really. He meant well, was honest and mostly trainable. He was in a tough situation, doing the best he could.

You and I stayed friends through it all, so I can't have been too much of a jerk - no more than usual anyway.

-- JimBullock 2007.05.03